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Well, here we are.  It is the end of August and you know what that means!
Lewis Black is Back!

The frothing fans who chat regularly on Lewis Black’s “Blackboard” (his website forum) flew into to town to see the show. I go that extra mile to prepare for his show, but these gals go that extra ten miles. They fly long distances for some of his shows, they buy tickets for each night, and really whoop it up for that downtime between performances.

“Friday” and I met a few months ago when Lewis Black was in town last.  See my posts about our adventures.
So we geared up for some fun this time around.  I had forgotten it was a 10pm show.  Ten o’clock in the frickin’ night.  Jesus Christ.  He is appearing in the Danny Gans Theater and Danny Gans has a show before him.  So we had an awful lot of time to kill.

Of course, Friday and ChiTownGirl had met Lewis Black the night they flew in.  Friday sent me a text message but I was already in bed and had turned my phone off.  I turned my phone off for a reason.  I knew those bitches would meet Lewis Black and I wouldn’t be there.  AGAIN.

I had already had my hair done days before and bought a new dress for the occasion.  I still had to shave the fur off of my legs, buy new shoes and a purse, do my nails, and then get on with the normal getting ready stuff.  Once I was finally finished with the upper thigh shearing, I texted asking Friday if she wanted to go shoe shopping with me at my favorite shoe shop in the whole world, “Leonard’s Wide Shoes”.  Hearing the word “wide”, she couldn’t wait to go.  If you are a woman with wide feet, this place is DisneyLand.  It is frequented online by all the finer transvestites and wide footed gals like us.  We cannot find shoes that fit and usually our only option is to wear men’s shoes or shoes that are too big for our feet.

Friday found a real snappy number that would go perfectly with my new dress.  They are so cute and roomy!  I love my new shoes.  I think I’ll marry them.

Friday talked me into collecting up all my make-up and parts of my outfit and taking them to her room at the Mirage.  This way, we four girls could hang out all afternoon then get ready for the show together.  I gathered up my make-up, shoes, stockings, dress and packed my new purse.  All the while, constantly having Friday come up with new items I might have forgotten to bring.  Tickets!  OH shit!  That’s right, I grabbed my ticket and we were out the door to her fabulous room in one of the Mirage Towers.

We met up with ChiTownGirl and Boysenberry.  Boysenberry, I already knew from messaging with her on the Blackboard, was a real handful.  She’s a tiny thing, I towered over her and I’m not all that tall, but she still is a real handful.  Like a fire cracker made in China, you never quit know when she’s going to go off or in what direction.  I was warned she wouldn’t be getting ready for the show before dinner because boysenberry’s dress is something nobody would want to be seen with during dinner.  This is VEGAS.  How bad IS this dress??

We settled on the California Kitchen in the middle of the Mirage.  The pizza I had was fabulous.  The salad ChiTownGirl ordered was so big we thought she’s be there all night grazing through it.  By the time she was done, it looked like she had barely touched it.  She said is was great as she put some on her fork, dipped the bit into the dressing and ate.  She’s a slow eater to start with and it was kinda fun to watch her pick and dip and pick and dip.  We all had left overs to take home and we got to pack our pizza pieces into a box, then into a big bag for easy carrying.  The prices were reasonable, I paid $20 including tip and got a small, delicious thin crust pizza and a lemonade.  This is a must stop place for a light dinner at very fair prices.  Everyone loved what they ordered.

We still had hours to kill off before this late show.  The girls decided they had to get some Playboy flip flops at the  Caesars forum shops.  They’d have just enough time to shop then come back to get ready for the show.  I was pooped out and elected to stay in Friday’s room and paint my nails.  I was sure it was going to take me more than an hour to finish up getting ready.  So they ran off without me and I relaxed and started filing and painting.

I realized I had forgotten my 10X make-up mirror.  How in the hell am I going to get eye liner on with out it?  I’m blind as a bat these days without my glasses.  Shit.  So I had to do it by feel.  Have you ever put on liquid eye liner without being able to see?  Well, it is a real strange experience.  I did the top lid and put my glasses on to check. I couldn’t believe it, it looked better than when I can see to put it on.  Its my lucky night.  Maybe I’ll actually get to meet Lewis Black.

I went to slip into my new fab dress and realized I had forgotten to bring my Terrorist Bra. Damn.  Us big girls like to have a good cleavage going and would a cheap Playtex bra work?  Lucky again, it worked just fine and didn’t really show at all as long as I didn’t move around too much.

It was getting late and the girls were not back yet.  Nine o’clock was fast approaching.  Where were they?  I started to worry.  I hadn’t had a smoke in a couple of hours so I was going to have to make a break for the lobby to smoke without a room key.  Of course, I kept an eye on the elevators to look out for the girls, and of course, they slipped by me when I turned away.  Nobody ever hears their cell phones ring in the casino so there was a lot of texting back and forth as we hooked up.  Friday’s new dress didn’t hook up.  Both straps broke.  Good thing she had another dress to wear.

Boysenberry’s dress… haha, let’s just say it showed her assets VERY well.  I was told it was see-through although you couldn’t really see through it.  Why would you want to?  It was barely covering her to start with.  She was a real knockout of the evening.  I give her all ten points for bravery.  I would not have worn such a thing without a safety strap to keep my legs together.  And well, in my case, a strap to keep my aged cheeks up, but she is blessed with a fabulous behind.

We giggled and laughed all the way to our perfect seats in the front row.  The show started a bit late and we fussed and chatted.  Friday noticed there was a blond in the next section staring and straining to stare at us again.  It was strange and we discussed it a bit and completely forgot about her when John Bowman was introduced as the lights went down.

I was really nervous there for a minute when Bowman looked at me, right in the eye a couple of times.  I was praying to the god of my choice I wasn’t going to be the one who was going to get it tonight.  Oh PLEEAASSE don’t let it be me.  Because I’m God’s favorite, he left me alone.  Oh thank you, oh Merciful One.  He moved on to a fellow a few rows back. Ha!  Sucker…  Bowman really left the crowd alone for the most part and just talked from the stage after picking on that one poor guy for a minute a few rows back.

Bowman looked at his watch and declared he had ten minutes left and he was out of material, as he looked at his ukulele and plucked it a bit.  Everyone laughed.  He talked a little more and then a guy from behind us yelled, “Hasn’t it been ten minutes?”  The crowd roared.  Bowman got his, and it was good.  He laughed and was a little stunned for a few seconds as thought how to respond.  He chose the ‘I’m hurt’ route and appeared to have had a little difficulty not laughing about it some more in appreciation of the guy’s perfect score of getting the best of the comic. After a few more jokes he introduced his best friend, Lewis Black.

Many people yelled out, “Happy Birthday” and he seemed fairly uncomfortable about it and asked people to stop.  He gave his opinion of just how bad that song is and how awful it sounds when people sing it, and eventually people stopped yelling and singing.

Lewis Black’s act is always perfectly performed.  He touches on so many things we all think and feel but can’t quite put into words.  What he talks about is really some sad stuff, like the state of our union being in such a mess, but we laugh.  I think we laugh because it’s funny he’s pointing it out.  And of course, it is the WAY he says what we’re thinking.  My opinions are not always the same as Lewis Black’s opinions, but he’s always gut wrenchingly funny.

There was a point where Lewis was setting up his next joke.  He made a sarcastic comment.  I think it was about teaching sexual abstinence in schools, and he was just ready to launch into a tirade to prove why this was not the best educational choice and some guy yelled, “AMEN, Brother!”  Lewis stopped in mid-breathe.  He was clearly stuck now.  Everyone froze for a second, looked at him and then burst into laughter.  This was going to be ’stump the comic’ night.  What could he say? It was hysterical to watch him struggle and try to contain his laughter.  He was completely thrown by the guy’s Amen.  Lewis eventually did regain composure and worked himself out of the dilemma.  A great time was had by all over that one.

The night was really heckler free.  Sure, there were a couple of comments yelled out but they were in good fun and had a fabulous pay off for the audience to watch these comics work their magic, even when some real stumbling blocks were thrown before them.  These are real professionals these guys, and I love to watch them think fast and end up even funnier when having to prove their wit.

The show did run about fifteen minutes late. When Lewis Black brought John Bowman out to take bows and say goodnight, someone from back stage wheeled out a great big birthday cake.  Having said in his act he didn’t need an emphysema test of blowing out candles, that is exactly what he ended up doing.  In front of everyone he blew out the candles as he tried to appreciate the gesture even though it seemed a little clear he really didn’t want to make a big deal out of his sixtieth birthday on stage.  He was a good sport about it.  They waved goodnight and left the stage.

The blond attempted to get in back stage and a guard turned her away.  We grew a little concerned once again.

On the way out, Boysenberry and I made a mad dash for the potty and the blond cornered Friday and ChiTownGirl in the lobby. What became clear from the conversation is that this woman knew a whole lot about them.  She rattled on claiming some sort of knowledge of Lewis Black in a very familiar sort of way.  Boysenberry and I saw the interaction going on and stayed our distance, not wanting to get involved unless it was necessary.  The girls were polite and said their goodbyes to her and went away feeling very creeped out.  It seems we were just caught up on some sort of collateral damage in this woman’s stalking of Lewis Black.

I feel for him on this one.  I’ve had a stalker in the past and it can be a truly frightening experience.  Especially if it goes as far as it did with mine where he was using the crawl space under my house to get inside.  There is a line some people will cross from being a fan to building up an entire fantasy life in their heads with the person they are stalking.  I hope he can get a handle on this gal soon before it gets that out of hand.  As it is now, she’s not stalking just him, she’s spying on his fans as well.

Stalkers aside, the four of us girls had a simply fabulous time.  Sure, like Lewis Black talks about, it is the anticipation that is the most fun.  In this case, the meeting of other fans, having a girls night out, getting dressed up for a special occasion and just giggling and turning into teenagers again.  But, the show itself is always top notch entertainment and there is no greater treasure than getting a great laugh.  Especially when it lasts for an hour and fort-five minutes.  Thank you John Bowman and Lewis Black for a fantastic night.

In case you’re wondering… No, I did not see him in the casino after the show.  We wandered around for over an hour and never ran into him.  Let’s face it, I’m just bad luck.  If I’m around, Lewis Black never is.  I will never get to shake his hand and get his autograph.  Those bitches Boysenberry, ChiGirl, and Friday meet him all the time.  I will just accept my fate.

NOT!  He’s performing at the Danny Gans Theatre tonight, 9pm, at the Mirage.  Maybe tonight I’ll get to shake his hand.
Tickets to Lewis Black for August 31, 2008